help.

it's
1:30 in the morning
and i haven't really slept for days
i've been working 16-hour days
helping everyone get their jobs done but me
and i'm a week behind

help.

i have got nobody to hug.

help.

i'm having my second mid-life crisis at 24
i don't know what God wants me to do
i'm not even sure if He's around for me any more
I'm knocking, but I think he's just tired
tired of me and my shenanigans
of trying to figure out what is Right and what is Good
and getting it all so horribly screwed up.

i don't want to deal
with western dating and discovery and rejection
i'm tired of breaking women's hearts
because God tells me A and then B.
I've been mean to God, I admit it.
But why has God been mean to me with this?
I would rather be poor and happily married
than be the cruel player into which fate has transformed me.

Nobody knows what it's like to be the bad man
to be the sad man
behind blue-green eyes.

And I have to wonder if all evil people are like this,
folks who were really, honestly, striving for all their might to do the right thing
and are just sufficiently foolish to do it all horribly wrong.

Passive people, at least, can perform no great evil.
It is the well-intentioned actors that end up eating worlds whole
leaving sorrow and shame in their wake.

Not only do good guys finish last
but nobody shows up to their early funeral.

I could just use a good friend or three
someone to hug
and tell me I can still do Good.

and, as would be nice, someone who is not in love with my ex.

help, God. help.