never entertained enough no i was
never entertained enough by the computer with its blinking lights that
just would not stop telling me about what was going on in the world of
the electronic and the flesh and so much was happening there was so much
to say and yet i was
never entertained enough

i just could not stop the clicking
double-checking a page minutes after last
hour after hour
mix with the email, control-m to go check
to see
if anyone cares or has a thought
perhaps she has mailed me from an Internet cafe
off somewhere in Europe perhaps
an adventure always, maybe some will come to me through an email
(i had better check again)
control-M.


It is as if there is this fear that I am moving too slow
that I don't know enough
that I will somehow be left behind if I don't
	ceaselessly,
	relentlessly,
	continuously know what is going on in the world but without context
or explanation, or humanity, just the cold facts of seven bit ASCII text
rendered through fancy, hogging, broken software that we applaud these days
feeling left behind by the past that is the present that we call the
	FUTURE.


And despite the hyperactivity distraction disorder twitching this way and that
thrashing to understand and derive meaning
i tore myself away from people to go to the computer
separated myself from friends and caring
just in case
someone had sent an email.

Control-M.


What boggled me above all is when I had transcended it all
when it became such an addiction that my speed was greater than the
Internet and I found myself waiting for it to catch up,
waiting for some tidbit of exciting news,
some video to tantalize me (though i do not watch television),
some horror to insult me;
and it did not catch up.

The Internet leapt on at its own hop-skippety pace,
but I left,
bored.